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How to show love and security to our children? Here are 9 things that we can let our kids feel.

Updated: Apr 5, 2023

1. Love is an active verb

Of course, you tell your child each day how much you love them, but demonstrate it as well. That way they can see for themselves how love is shown by little acts of kindness. They can then create such moments of thoughtfulness for the people they love in later life.

2. Write ‘love you’ notes every now and then

Write special notes and make them a surprise. Slip them in their pocket, under pillows, or stick them on the refrigerator or on their door. Encourage your child to write them, too. If she can’t read, read it to them – it will make them want to read.

3. Children need physical security

That means the physical contact of hugging. Say you need a hug when you feel depressed, and let them know it made you better.

4. Mail her something small

About once in a month, post them a crayon, a colouring book or a badge. Children love to see their name on letters and it starts the day nicely.

5. If you have to be away, try out these ideas

Leave a photograph of yourself in their bedroom with a message saying, “I love you,” or a surprise note that your partner can put on the breakfast plate the first day. Or put separate messages in envelopes marked Monday, Tuesday and so on, to be put on the breakfast table each day. Always remember to bring back something from your trip – a miniature shampoo bottle, a hotel pen or an airline souvenir can be an exciting gift.

6. Let them choose photos for the family album

Why not give them the spare photos to make up their own album?

7. Try to give your child undivided attention

When you are with them, clear your head of home or work problems and focus on your child alone. Pay close attention to what they are saying, so that they feel that what their saying is important.

8. Mark special occasions

The day he/she first rode a bicycle unaided, a particularly impressive effort in writing, the day he/she could read 100 words or draw a house. Put them in her own Book of Me. Try and bring back a memento of each major visit, trip, day out or holidays together – also for the Book of Me. It provides lots to talk about and remember you as you look at them later.

9. ‘Thank you’ notes

When your child has done something especially helpful, write out a blank postcard with a simple “thank you” such as, “Thank you for looking after Catherine for me, that really helped.” Each of these activities may be small in itself, but each helps your child absorb an important lesson: that love needs to be nurtured actively: it must be shown – as well as felt.

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